By Ann Marie van den Hurk

I sat down with Rosalind Wiseman, New York Times Bestselling Author of Queen Bees & Winnables. Ms. Wiseman is cofounder of the Empower program, a not-for-profit organization that works to empower girls and boys to stop violence. Her book gives both parents and girls advise in surviving cliques, gossip, boyfriends and other realities of adolescence.

AvdH: Why did you write Queen Bees & Wannabes?

RW: While teaching the Empower program, many parents would come up to me after the program. They felt helpless to handle common experiences. I wanted to write a book about my best suggestions … what parents can do to help.

AvdH: In understanding "girl world", what do parents and other adults need know about working with girls?

RW: They are two points … first you don’t leave behind your childhood experiences once you turn 18 … you struggle with what you experienced as girl … the baggage? In your troop, think about what girls you get along with and why then think about the girls that you don’t click with from the start. The key is to know your strengths and weaknesses. Secondly, understand that women and girls don’t want to break relationships so they don’t really say what they mean or stand up … for women relationships are connected to who they are.

AvdH: The book focuses on tweens and teens, what advise can you share for younger girls?

RW: For girls 10 and younger, the more the girl is encouraged to buy into what our culture’s ideal of women, then the more it sets her up for cliques, bullying, etc. as she grows older. For parents it is important for them not to push their daughter to be in the "right’ dance group, the "right" party, etc. The more she sees herself as our culture sees women the more she feels like she has to compete. Self-esteem consists of basically three things: competent with things , confidence, and connectiveness to others.

AvdH: What are the top issues facing girls today in your mind?

RW: The standards … eating disorders, drugs, alcohol … all still here. I think the number one is IM/E-mail social aggression among middle school girls… this sort of aggression remains nameless. Number two is a concept … girls are very savvy about knowing that the media is manipulating them, but it doesn’t stop them from buying into it. Number three is girl social aggression. And number four is the got to be in control attitude or I have to take it.

AvdH: What tips could you give to girls dealing with cliques, teasing, bullying?

RW: It is a process. Write down the three most important things to have in a friendship. Most girls list trust, loyalty, and be myself. If in a conflict with a friend, write down the top three things that come to mind in the friendship. Compare both lists. If they don’t match then why are you in the relationship.

AvdH: About violence …

RW: Violence is a failure for adults to create a safe place for kids … adults unable to look at the "ism" and deal with them.

For more information about the Empower Program.